to think, to think ....

WOMAN ON THE NET

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My name is Marie. When I was 22, I met Tomáš. He was two years older, we understood each other, and I enjoyed life with and without him. We've both worked.  I felt that he was not quite the right man for me, but I was young and he was quite well secured despite his young age, so I just tried it with him. Tom was as sociable as I was and it was great for us in bed. We all had one thing in common, but also our interests and friends, so I was in a relationship that was nice so far. It never occurred to me that in a few months I would get pregnant and end my carefree life. However, Tomáš took on the role of father and breadwinner very responsibly, we started living together. We didn't rush to the wedding, neither of us considered it necessary. During my pregnancy, I started looking forward to the baby and arranged everything for him. Tom and I got a little estranged, I didn't mind and he took it as if it belonged to the pregnancy and let me be, he was still very willing and I started to dictate and he listened to me and did what he saw in my eyes. Now that I remember it, I realize how much he loved me and was kind, and how cruel I was to him. I still feel guilty. When Klárka was born to us in the winter of the following year, I became the happiest woman in the world. I fell in love with our little girl and I only breathed for her. Tomas was here for us, but as a man he almost lost interest in me, I just took it and he took care of it. Even though it is difficult with a child, I now know that it is not so difficult with a healthy baby that I have to neglect a man and ignore him and his comfort. And then it happened, a few weeks after the birth, Tomáš never returned from work. He had a nasty car accident and unfortunately did not survive. I was at the bottom. I have to admit that I felt like a heartless bad woman, because my main idea was who would take care of us and also how we would manage financially (Klárka was secured for a few years). The fact that the father of my child and the man who really loved me were no longer alive began to occur to me later, but I still was not as settled from his loss as I should have been. I kind of played theater in front of people when I "collapsed". And I was quite confined, I wasn't interested in anyone but my daughter and relatives when I needed help, but I wasn't interested in their lives. I stayed alone with Klárka for two years, I did everything just for her and I didn't think about myself. Then I met Paul. I was a little tired, but a satisfied mother and the interest of the man brought me back to life. Pavel was nice and quite similar to Tom, at first it was nice. He liked Klára and eventually adopted them. He did everything for us. And I didn't appreciate it. I began to dictate and abuse his goodness and love again. I didn't mean it badly, but I wanted more and more. And he couldn't stand it. He explained to me that the world doesn't just revolve around me and that even though I'm a mother and I do everything for my baby, that doesn't mean I have to get everything too. I was too material and I thought that if my child and I had all the new things, we would be happy and that the man was here to take care of it. Paul agreed that he was the breadwinner of the family, but he also could not afford all the nonsense I required from his salary. On the contrary, I laughed at his ideas. He suggested that we could take a train trip, take a walk in the woods, have our packed snack and just stay in nature. I laughed at him for not having to take a train somewhere when we had a car. He had a car. There were a few more attempts on his part and then he left us, that he loves me and Klára as well, but that he doesn't need a gold digger and is unhappy with me. That's what he called me, gold digger! And he was right. I tried to keep us friends, I needed him to take care of me, and she took him as a dad. And we stayed together for a while, but the end was near.
After the break-up, I was alone for a year and then I met Robert, who was six years older, and after a year of living together, we got married and were expecting a baby soon. The little boy Petr was born in July 2010. Robert had 3 children from his first marriage. In the beginning, everything was in normal dormitories, and although I did not experience any major feelings of happiness, we were fine. The change came in 2010, when Robert returned home later and sometimes after a few days. I would somehow overcome his infidelity, but he began to suffer from aggressive jealousy and was angry at children. I knew it was over and that I had to go with Klárka and Petřík.

And so I got into the network, not the Internet, but the social network of the Czech Republic.
Why am I writing my story? Just to teach all women who believe in love and self-sacrifice for the benefit of children. I didn't help the children and I'm alone today. Despite trying as far as the kids were, I came. Klárka is in my brother's family and Petřík was taken away by a social worker and she is in an orphanage. Klárka is quite satisfied and we are in regular contact and I have been fighting for Petřík for more than a year and I hope that we will be together again this year. I have very unpleasant checks, interrogations and trials behind me. I have never taken drugs or pills other than normal consumption (acylpyrin, brufen ...) and I have experience with alcohol like almost every normal person. Under the constant supervision of the social worker, the police, with the children, with the constant annoyance of Robert and, last but not least, the executors of the loans at the time of the marriage, of which I did not know at all, I was dependent on help from my parents and friends. I was poorly looking for a job and when I found a normal one, I could not do it for a long time due to the rules set by the social worker (when should I be at home, etc.). While in normal families children are waiting for parents to come home from work I had to be home before the children and when I needed to shop we had to go together. As I hope everyone understands the behavior and well-being of the children, everything has had a completely negative impact and the problems have multiplied.  I know my mistakes, but I wonder what I should have done differently.

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